broken-gurl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- all she wants is just that something to hold on to This is going to make me sound like a complete ass but what the fuck ever because this is my place to write whatever I want and this is how I am feeling. I feel like I am beyond everybody, like what they are talking and laughing about is so trivial and lame and I just feel so much bigger than the stupid things they are saying, or at least I have been lately. Which in reality makes no sense because most of the time I feel smaller than everyone and invisible and stuff. It's confusing. I just think everything is so stupid and I don't belong. I have been surviving school since I got out of hospital which is good. Not much to say on that note. Just that I am surviving and attending and all of that wonderful stuff. Haha. Not. It sucks. I am trying to stop cutting. Correction. My dad is trying to make me stop cutting. Or should I say he is encouraging me strongly. At any rate, I am having major urges tonight for the first time since the last time I got stitches. Gah, not good. I can't give in again because if I wind up needing stitches there's no one I can tell who's not going to positively FLIP out at me. This is fucking bullshit. I don't want to stop fucking hurting myself right now. I feel like dying. Funny how quickly the urge escalates into something so out of control. Soon I should be going into Ledger though, maybe that will help. Hah. Maybe. I've started doing some really stupid self-damaging things that I'm not going to write here because I know the people who read this are going to put a stop to them. Haha. Sorry. All I can say is that I am falling apart and in a bad way and I'm not sure how much I really care right now. I keep letting it happen and yet I say I want help. I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life. -xxx- 10:09 p.m. - 2004-03-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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