broken-gurl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- feeling so faithless, lost under the surface I just ate some pizza. I am having major, horrible urges to throw it up. I don't know what to do. I know that if I give into this now it's only the beginning. You give in once, you give in twice, you give in after every meal, it consumes you. I know how the story goes. I've been there. I know the hell and how far it'll take me, and yet I continue to throw myself back into it. Starve a little here, purge a little there, 5 pounds here, 10 pounds there. I don't even know what I am looking for anymore. I know where this is going to take me. Right to solid rock bottom. I know that. I went for a run today, two laps of the duck pond. I'm going to make myself do it every day until it no longer tires me out. Then I will make it three laps. Then four. Hell, maybe I'll do three laps tomorrow just to torture myself. I'm really falling into this hard. I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to get skinny this time. No more half assed attempts. This time I will go all the way. All the fucking way. Blah, I don't know why I say things like this. I don't know what I'm doing. 10:41 a.m. - 2004-03-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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