broken-gurl's Diaryland Diary

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the road ahead is lined with broken dreams

I have been on such a downfall. It's like I'm so far down I don't even know where I am anymore. I have not been cutting however, which is a good thing, because if I was I'm sure I'd be off to the ER for stitches every day. I'm thinking about cutting though. I'm thinking about cutting very deeply. It's an uncomfortable thought really, and I know the surefire way to get rid of it is to give in to it but I also know that I really shouldn't do that. Gah.

Enough of that. I went out for lunch & got my hair cut with my mom today. It was good, I had a really good time. She let me drive her car around a bit, a standard, and get this. GET THIS! I didn't stall the thing ONCE. NOT ONCE! Whew, I feel good about that. I always stall my dad's truck.

I have been going for long runs every morning and doing sit ups every night. To be perfectly honest I'm not sure if this is just the beginning of a whole new struggle, but at the moment it's healthy and keeping me in shape so I guess it's all good.

I am finding myself really wanting to cut right now. Blah. Not cool. Maybe it just doesn't matter. Why the fuck should I care? I won't be around much longer anyway, hahaha.

-xxx-

6:25 p.m. - 2004-03-20

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