broken-gurl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- tonight i lack the strength to even move I feel like crap. It's like there's nothing that can lift my mood right now. This is really not good. I don't know what I need to do. I'm so stuck. I want to scream and hit things and break things and throw a hissy fit because it's not fair and it's not supposed to be this fucking hard. Why is it so hard? Why am I so fucking alone? I don't think I'm going to make it through this weekend without self harming. Gah, that means I get kicked out of the adolescent program at Ledger. Which means no more chances for me. It's so important that I hold on. Damnit, I don't know how to do this. I should be changing my self talk or something... I always forget how to pull myself out of this when I fall into it. Urgh. I want to type something out here that Cindy gave to me last night that I really like. Comes The Dawn After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and claiming a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today becayse tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plan, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you floewrs. And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong and you really do have worth. And you learn and learn... With every goodbye you learn... -xxx- 4:53 p.m. - 2004-04-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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