broken-gurl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- there's too much that i keep to myself I got another phone call from Ledger this morning. They're still closed, but predicting that they will re-open tomorrow. For god's sake I hope they do, because I am reaching the end of my rope. It's getting near impossible to not hurt myself. I should be hearing again from Ian today too, which is making me something of a nervous wreck. I am so scared of what will happen with that, what if I do have to go to court? That would be near impossible. But all I can do is wait and see what Ian has to say. From what my mom told me a week or so back, it sounded like pressing charges was an unlikely event. Blah, anyways. I have been falling back into some rather unhealthy eating habits and it's starting to make me really unhappy. I'm unhappy about how I look, what I do, what I eat, what I don't eat, everything. It's like no matter what I do, it's never good enough. I'm half a step away from running out my front door and throwing myself off the fucking overpass. I don't know why I don't just do that. Hospital is an ugly word. It makes me sad and angry and disappointed in myself. Look at what I've done to what could have been a perfectly good life. I've ruined it now. It's all my fault. Everything that's wrong with me is my fault. I hate me so much. How's that for honesty? -xxx- 11:30 a.m. - 2004-05-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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