broken-gurl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- now and then i get insecure from all the pain I need to stop falling into old patterns. I need to stop taking risks like what I am doing right now, it's not good for me and I am jeopardising so much. Ugh, I am disgusted with myself right now. Even though I am not cutting or burning, I'm still finding ways to put myself at risk. It's different but still unhealthy. I wish I was better at finding healthy ways to cope. Enough of that. Today we had the rest of our soccer tournament at SMU and Chrissy was up island visiting Ian so I was playing it goal. Oooh, I was nervous. We won the first game 3-1 though, it was really good. The goal I let in was a really lame one and I felt horrible about it. We lost to SMU though, 3-0. I got hurt, again. Blah. I'm so fucked I can hardly walk now. I can't focus on positives right now. I mean... ahhh... I can... but it's so hard. I'm thinking about suicide and dying and cutting and hurting and how much of a failure I am. Blah. I just want to make the crap stop. I want everyone to let me go, and yet I don't. It's so confusing. -xxx- 4:39 p.m. - 2004-05-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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