broken-gurl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- it's just emotions taking me over I have been postponing what I have been waiting to do. I'm thinking I should do it RIGHT NOW. Right now would be the perfect opportunity. Mare's at work, my dad is... well I have no idea where my dad is, and I could get away with Laura not knowing what's going on. But I made plans with Mat today and I'd feel horrible if I stood him up. Blah. I guess I'll just have to wait. Tomorrow I suppose will have to work. I am so lonely and I have so much hate towards myself. Every decision I have made lately has been of a self-destructive nature and it's gone to the point of hurting not only myself but others as well. In a different way than my usual self-destructive decisions hurt others, I mean. This time they are directly involving others, relationships and such. Ugh. I hate that I am so fat. I have commited myself to losing weight, and I don't give a shit that I am doing it in a destructive way. If I end up surviving tomorrow, at least I will be skinny eventually. Dr. Vogt said it looked like I had lost about 25 pounds. Haha. Bullshit. More like I've gained that much thanks to the stupid medication. Heh. I'm doing sneaky stupid things again. Yesss. THIS TIME I WILL MAKE IT. -xxx- 10:59 a.m. - 2004-05-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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