broken-gurl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- let me close my eyes, let me dream again Today has been weird. Sandi came over this morning & stayed for a few hours & I ended up feeling really good & hopeful & found something to hold onto. I fell asleep on my bed snuggling with Mario (he's a cat, btw), & recorded a bunch of my guitar playing onto my computer. Haha, it sucks. I've really been falling hard into this disordered eating pattern though, & it's at the point where I've lost 16 pounds in less than two weeks. 6 of those pounds were in the last 3 days. I'm keeping track of everything, barely eating, & I've come really close to purging again which scares me. I don't want to fall back into the bulimia. Anyway, right now I'm feeling really flipped out & I'm going to take a bath later during which I'll probably end up doing something really stupid, gah, and I don't even know how much I care. My head aches, my stomach aches, and I feel like dying. Exactly a week ago I was in the fucking emergency room with the charcoal and the monitors and all that crap. It's so hard not to just run out and fuck it all up again. But, the hockey game is over so I'm off to the bath. I'm sure I'll be back to report damage control. Ugh. -xxx- 8:48 p.m. - 2004-06-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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