broken-gurl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- and i miss you love... I feel lousy. It's stupid because I don't really have a reason to feel lousy. OK, well maybe I do, but I never felt lousy for reasons as stupid as this before. Come to think of it, I never NEEDED a reason to feel lousy before. I'm struggling with so much stuff, & just trying to keep my head above water. It's getting hard though. There's so much that I just have to fake & pretend & ignore, & I know I can only do it for so long. It's stupid. I miss Shara too. Fuckit, I hate that I am such a worrywart but my friends are more than the world to me, & when I know she's fucking miles away having her own struggles makes me just want to run away & see her. If I had my drivers license I could... in fact, I probably would have already. I hope she can come stay here soon. I saw Dr. Vogt for the first time in ages yesterday. Eurgh, she wants me to see a dietician. She's worried about the direction I am headed in. Apparently I have traces of body dysmorphic disorder, as all I can see of myself is a fucking huge fat cow even though she assures me from her doctor's opinion & personal point of view that I am FAR from it. I trust her. But I know she's wrong. Work is good, I closed the other night. It was good actually, I liked it better than a regular shift cause there were things to do that DIDN'T involve pissed off customers. Or me faking a huge smile & talkative nature to cranky old people & people who don't even speak English. Not that I am prejudiced, but it's fucking frustrating. I get paid day after tomorrow... woohoo... it's about time, I have 2 cents in my bank account lol. I'm reading like a maniac lately. I love books. I'm such a nerd. The Angels Trilogy by Lurlene McDaniel were the saddest books I've ever read... holy mother... it's like tragedy just didn't stop. But it was positive too. Meh, what do I know. Off to read more. Heh. The Torn Skirt by Rebecca Godfrey this time. -xxx- 3:13 p.m. - 2004-08-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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