broken-gurl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i hate the way i'm supposed to love you back AAAAAAAAAAAgh. I am so tired. I feel like I haven't slept in days, even though I have. Last night Shara & I went to bed at a reasonable hour (11:30) for the first time since she's been here. I had trouble sleeping & even more trouble waking up for work. I had a super fucking fantastic day at work. No really. Actually, it wasn't all that terrible. I needed a couple of R keys, yes, I had to phone produce for some codes, yes, I cost us 8 dollars because of another cashier error - forgot the 20% discount. But I put lots of customers through, everything went fairly smooth. Then at about 2:10 (my shift ended at 2:30) Magi (mein wonderful assistant manager) phones me up & tells me to close down my till when I get my line up through (4 people with bulging buggys, YAHOO!) because we need to talk before I'm off. Instantly I go about as pale as death & get shaky & panicky. I already got reprimanded for my stupid 20% off pork mistake, I couldn't even imagine what I had done that would consitute taking me off when it was that busy & bringing me into the office. Lord, I was so scared. So I finally get my customers through, clean up my till, & bring it in. I go into the cash office where Magi is waiting for me. I'm making this sound so scary, heh. Really I wasn't in trouble at all. Tammy had just talked to her about what had happened on Tuesday night & she wanted to make sure that my schedule was tolerable & I wasn't falling to pieces because of stress. She's the best. I talked to her about a lot, explained about what's going on & what will be going on for the next few weeks & she just listened & said that she would do anything I needed to make my job easy for me, despite the rough days. I am so fortunate to work there. I could not have a better job with better managers & co-workers. I just love it. So yeah, Shara's still here. Still don't know for how long, but that's half the fun! (Bet my dad would disagree... lol). I have no idea what we're going to do for the next few days though, fucking idiot I am spent all my paycheque & I don't get paid for another 5 days. Yesterday we went to the waterslides, which was a blast & a half until we tried taking the bus home. It took us 2 1/2 hours to cover about a 25 minute drive. & then there was Darryl... *shakes head*... won't even get into that. Let's just say if I was as stupid as my blonde hair makes people assume I am, I'd probably have been drugged & raped or worse by now. Superfantastic. Funny how crappy experiences have taught my bullshit-o-meter so much. I'm fat & my tongue hurts & I'm getting close to the weight that my doctor warned me about. Like really close. I don't want a physical... nooo... ugh. I had half a carrot for lunch. There you go Dr. Vogt, vegetables are my friends. I feel like a fucking pig. I should have just not had it. I didn't need it. I wasn't shaky or dizzy or anything. Just anxious. Mmm the sweet taste of returning anxiety! I fucking hate it. Want it to go away. I try to fight it, & I am not affected yet by not being able to do things, but the more I am forcing myself the harder it is getting. I need to understand why it is happening so I can stop it. Maybe I will call Joel next week. We'll see. Yes. Well. I'm going to go... yeah I don't know. Do something for another hour until I go driving. Seeya. -xxx- 3:44 p.m. - 2004-08-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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