broken-gurl's Diaryland Diary

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if i could i would... let it go

I don't know what the fuck I am doing. Seriously. Things are so fucked up right now. Don't know what's good, bad, up, down. Everything's confusing.

I put on my black pants today & while they were once skin tight they are several sizes too big now. A month ago they were tight. I'm almost afraid to step on the scale now as the numbers are scaring me. I will have to phone Dr. Shoichet soon as I made a promise that I really should keep. Blah.

Been trying not to cut... urges have been worse than normal lately. Nearly 10 weeks without now though. So long as I can keep fighting this depression to keep it from dominating & getting bad again I should be fine.

The anxiety is getting crappy again though. Had the closest thing to a panic attack I've had in awhile this morning at the dentist. I hope I can pull myself together - I work 6 1/2 hours today & I think Jess may be my supervisor.

I've been planning on getting my tongue pierced - will be talking to my dad about that one soon. If he doesn't sign for me, I've got plenty of over 18 people who will. & I plan on paying for it myself so it's not like it will affect him. Anyway, I turn 18 in May so if I can't do it now I'm doing it the day of my birthday.

Fluoride makes my stomach hurt. Damn dentist.

-xxx-

9:34 a.m. - 2004-08-19

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